After the Fireworks

On sex, visibility and the slow burn of finding your voice at any age

Thrilled that the national broadcaster in Australia has done a podcast about a 71-year-old woman hiring an escort, asking for a refund, and trying again.

I’m still a little astounded that an experience I had just a year ago — what I first wrote about my birthday adventure — has touched such a nerve. At the time, I thought I was just looking for a jump-start, a spark to remind myself that I was still here. But to my delight, I seemed to be in synchronicity with the world that was willing to engage in stories about women of a certain age seeking sensuality and sexuality.

And yet, that really isn’t the story. The real story isn’t in the fireworks — it’s in the slow burn underneath. The fire that keeps going long after the orgasm. For me, the heart of this conversation is not only about pleasure, but about women being seen and asking for what we want.

We are rarely allowed that visibility after a certain age. Too often, menopause is treated as the cut-off point. But there is a shift happening, and I’m thrilled to be part of it — a chorus of women across the globe demanding to be seen and heard at any age. We will not go gentle into the night.

My biggest surprise in all of this was not just the exhilaration of reconnecting with my body and sensuality. The most enduring gift was that I found my voice — at a time when I was terrified I was losing it. I discovered I could ask for what I wanted without shame, without hesitation, without worrying about whether I was pleasing someone else. I could ask, and not only would I be heard, but I was not alone — so many of you were there to cheer me on.

When the podcast first went live, I admit I was upset. Yumi Stynes said that I’d asked for a refund from the escort’s agency, rather than from Mitch himself. They’ve since corrected this on the site. The reason it mattered to me is that the whole point was to communicate with him directly — that was my Everest. It wasn’t about money, and it certainly wasn’t about damaging his reputation. It was about naming what happened between us, about finding the courage to say it out loud. That was the act that gave me my voice back.

For a moment I felt misunderstood, but listening again I can hear that Yumi and her team did honour my story, and for that I am deeply grateful. I am also grateful to you — my readers and listeners — for joining me in what I hope is just the beginning of a larger conversation.

👉 Listen to the episode of Paying for Sex at 70 at Ladies We Need to Talk

I’d love to hear what you think. And I’m so excited to be a newbie in this Substack community, adding my voice to yours.